The other day I gave a talk at a conference for early childhood daycare providers. During the question and answer period one woman asked a question I have heard often both from parents and child care providers. The woman said that many of the parents who come to pick up their children are concerned that their children are more attached to the person looking after them during the day, than they are to their parents.

Famed child psychologist Hiam Ginott was often asked if giving a child love was not the most important thing a parent could do to encourage healthy development. He replied “Love is just a word and has to be translated into meaningful action if it is to serve any purpose.” I was reminded of that statement as I walked through a store where rows upon rows of valentine day cards were on display, along with heart shaped boxes of candy.

My granddaughter Heather, when she was two, became attached to a cloth bear, which she called, “Bear-bear.” Bear-bear went with her everywhere including a visit to us on Cape Cod. Unfortunately she left Bear-bear unguarded where our dog Remy could get to it. I guess he became attached to it as well, because he bit off one of its ears. We thought Heather would be devastated, but she was relieved when my wife offered to sew the ear back on. Which she did.

A number of years ago, I directed the Child Guidance Clinic at the University of Denver. Because I was training young clinicians, I decided to become certified by the Professional Board of Examiners in Psychology (ABEPP). Board certification is required in most states for psychologists to go into private practice. As part of the examination I had to present a case in which I had successfully treated a child and his or her family.

Many infants and young children engage in repetitive, seemingly automatic behaviors, which appear inappropriate and/or gross. These habits may include thumb sucking in infants and nose picking and nail biting in young children. Other habits of this sort include hair pulling, and head banging. Whatever the habit you are concerned with the first thing to take into account is that the child engages in this behavior pattern for a reason.