In the fall and winter I usually swim in the pool at our local high school. One evening I arrived a bit early and was heading for the locker room when I saw a young man sitting on the bench outside the pool. His mother was coaxing him to put on his suit and to join the other children for the children’s swimming hour. He just hung his head and shook it, to indicate his refusal. I am not sure what his reasons were for not joining his peers, but it reminded me of how important peer relations and peer competence are for healthy development.

When I practiced as a child psychologist, one of the first questions I asked of parents, who had brought a child in for evaluation, was whether or not he or she had many friends. Social isolation was almost always a good sign of some type of emotional problem. Research supports this clinical impression. For example, a study by Caplan (Caplan 2001) looked at preschool children who preferred solitary free play to those children who chose to play with their peers. Children who chose solitary play were found to be; temperamentally less attentive, more difficult to soothe, more shy and did more poorly on assessments of language and academic skills, and had a less positive attitude towards school than did children who chose peer play.

There are many different reasons why some children prefer solitary play. Fear, shyness, lack of social skills are but some of them.

Sometimes children prefer solitary play if they are preoccupied with problems at home. Whatever the reasons, family counseling is in order. The earlier the issue receives attention, the better the chances for preventing later, more serious problems. In addition to family counseling, sometimes such children can be helped by enlisting an older, more mature child who is willing to play with him or her and to draw them out.

Friendship is an important contributor to mental health throughout life, but especially in early childhood when peer interaction is essential for all aspects of development.

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Caplan, R. J. W., C.:Lagace-Sequin, D.J. (2001). "Solitary-Active Play behavior: A Marker Variable for Maladjustment in the Preschool." Research in Childhood Education 15.