As adults, we often forget, when we are talking to children, that they think at a more concrete level, and process information at a slower pace, than we do. When we gear our instructions to children’s level of understanding we are not talking down to them. What we are trying to do is to communicate meaningfully, and that is constructive for both children and for us. The more effectively we communicate with children when they are young, the more successful we will be when they grow older and are able to talk with us at our own level.

Here are 5 practical tips for talking with young children.

1. Be specific, instructions should be short and clear and suited to the child’s level of development. One rule of thumb is to use one word per age of the child. For example, when speaking to a two-year-old you might say “Hat on.” But to a five-year-old you might say, “Put your hat on.”

2. Because children process information more slowly than we do, a second rule of thumb is to give only one instruction at a time. A child who might be able to follow one instruction, may get confused by two or more and not be able to follow any.

3. Accentuate the positive. You will have much more success, and much less frustration if you tell children what you want them to do, rather than what not to do. In addition to having a happier emotional tone, positive instructions do not give children options. If you say, “Please don’t yell” you leave the option to simply talk loudly or to mumble. If you say, “Please speak quietly,” you eliminate the options.

Comedian Bill Cosby learned this the hard way. When he told one of his daughters, “Young Lady I don’t ever want to hear you use those words again!” she replied, “Then don’t listen.”

4. A very important tip is to phrase your instructions so as to tell the child what you want, not ask him or her to make the decision. Again if you ask the child, “Do you want to put your pj’s on?” You leave him or her a choice. But if you say, in firm and pleasant voice, “Please put your pj’s on” they do not have the choice.

5. It’s important to thank a child who has followed an instruction. Such a response is not only good manners, it is also an appropriate reward, and has the added benefit of modeling an important social skill.

Giving meaningful easily followed, and positive, instructions has both immediate and long term benefits for both you and your child.