We were recently in Hawaii visiting our son, daughter-in-law and especially our grandchildren. One night we went to see “Sleeping Beauty” a musical for children that was being put on by a local group. After the show, we took one of the mother's home, her children were going in another car and there just wasn't room for everybody. The mother and I were sitting in the back of the car and got to talking. She had attended a lecture I gave there a couple of years ago and had a question she had wanted to ask. It was about her five-year-old son.

He is a bright , attractive young man but does not like to play with boys and prefers to play with girls in more passive, social activities. They have tried to put him in sports, his father is a real jock, but he just doesn't want to compete. Although she didn't say the word, it was clear that both she and the father were concerned that their son might be gay.

I told her a story that I thought might help. Fred Rogers, of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, was a friend. A number of years ago when I was writing profiles for the New York Times Magazine, I offered to write one on Fred. The editor's response was that Mr. Rogers was too effeminate and that a positive profile might alienate those readers who felt he was a bad influence on their sons. This response really troubled me. Fred was a truly gentle man.

But in our society, gentleness in men is taken as a sign of deviance. If a boy does not fit the stereotype of the macho male, then there must be something wrong with him. I told the mother that her son, like Fred, could be a truly gentle person, which is a trait to be admired and treasured rather than put down.

I appreciated, however, that the story might not provide much comfort to this mother who had to deal with the way her son is treated, and will be treated. In kindergarten it is not unusual for boys to try out girl roles and clothes but this becomes much less common and acceptable among older boys. As he grows older this boy could well become the target of teasing, ridicule, or worse. And there is really not much a parent can do to prevent this type of prejudicial reaction. Gentleness, whether it is a symptom of being gay, or simply a trait, is largely inborn and not really modifiable.

It is now generally accepted among psychologists and psychiatrists that homosexuality is a normal sexual variation found in all societies at all times and is present in animals as well as humans. Nonetheless as humans we have a strong tendency to view difference as wrong, bad or even evil. But most differences are just that, differences. Young children as I have pointed out in many of these blogs, think differently than adults. But their thinking is not wrong, it is age appropriate. Yet toleration of difference is a hard lesson to learn. And there was no advice I could give this mother to help her shield her son from what lies ahead. All that I could tell this mother was that by continuing to support and value her son's gentleness, she is giving him the strength he needs to cope with the inevitable rejection that will come his way.